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.Friday, November 10, 2006.

Hm.. by now.. think no one visits this blog but oh well, that makes it better to write the blog isn't it?

Today's friday.. Vin's birthday =) happy birthday teacher =) hope yesterday's cake suit ur taste.. =) Thanks for always being around and giving me advice. Appreciate it alot =)

I seem to realise i keep giving people the wrong impression. Yesterday pastor Kee said.. "you look great today" and i told him "i'm a professionally trained actor".. Then he got my message.. To be honest.. until now.. it still hurts.. very badly.. I dun seem to understand.. when i reassured her that I'm treating her only as a friend she kept doubting me.. In fact i kept emphasizing that if she felt uncomfortable let me know and I'll take a step back.. but ended up with her getting angry.. And words that seem to slash me more than when my grandparents left.. Will we be even friends?? I even dodged her so that she doesn't misunderstand.. Put up a fake mask on sms and msn so that she and the others will think i'm ok.. guess that's what drama training under Jteam is for.. Lying my way through..

When i said I dun lie.. I seem to realise.. my biggest lie is my mask.. but ha.. doesn't seem to matter.. anyway.. i'm already gradually accepting the mask as the real me.. the me that is so called a model student, one that pampers girls that he so calls like and is a good friend for everyone to lean on.. Ha. Way cool.. Living acting as a real personality.. Rabbi.. you are indeed impressive at doing such stupid things isn't it..

ha.. wat am i to do with all the prepared stuff.. the gifts that took hours and money that i saved bit by bit since August instead of asking from my parents.. They are payed and ordered.. but wat am i to do with them? if i give her.. I think she'll misunderstand.. all I want to do is just finish up all the promises I owe her so i can completely treat her as a normal friend.. Rabbi.. advice to give?

I'm not gonna explain whats the true me as by now.. I have so many mask.. I dun even know myself.. which am I truely am.. beside when i'm with pooh bear.. somehow.. she makes me feel like i'm a little kid.. like a little brother of hers.. so I dun seem to feel the need to put up a guard.. Dun see the need to hide myself like a hermit crab.. Doubt you'll read this but Thanks pooh =) Piglet here really appreciates it a lot =) I'll get you a special Christmas present. thanks for ur lullaby and company. I thought I won't be able to sleep well but the last few nights I did =) Will pray that you find the peace and intellect from God to study and do well in your honours year. Take care =)




11/10/2006 12:04:00 PM