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.Thursday, December 07, 2006.

haha.. I passed my final theory test as expected.. but am i happy? not.. so many reasons.. Firstly, it's cause of the choice between going for missionary and this test that made me choose the wrong decision.. I feel i let Father down.. Secondly, my health is detiorating.. not obviously but i can sense it.. Better gain back some weight and not let pooh bear jie jie worry.. Went for the camp.. for some muslim orphans.. usually have one parent.. A lot of struggles i can feel.. through their art.. their words.. their eyes and expression.. i felt so much pain.. so many mask like myself.. edwin said not to counsel them but i still tried.. tried to help them regain the faith in their studies and tried to help them rebuilt the hope of life.. also now helping a girl i met recently.. heard of her story and sympathise of her.. but tentatively, she can't nor will try out the suggestions.. Disappointments.. but i shall find a way for them..

School is starting in less than 30 days.. revision? none.. and do i feel like doing any? nope.. I'm afraid.. afraid of next year.. CIP, school work, results and how pooh bear jie jie will treat me.. At the moment, i know too much independence will only allow me to devastation.. Stress.. In the eyes of teachers and classmates i'm a model and happy kid.. but the truth is.. i'm not anywhere close.. There are happy moments.. but not in school.. not at work...

I want to fly.. so much stress.. so much fear... I want to leave this place and throw my work aside for awhile.. just awhile.. though i keep telling others i want to be traveling myself.. but i think actually i know very well i need companionship.. for i'll probably do something stupid there or get lost.. not just physically but mentally.. wanted to ask Jie if she mind if i join but i thought for awhile.. it's for her family and it won't be convenient if i join along( though she's my jie but her family don't see me as that so ya >.<).. besides.. by the time she reads this.. there'll only be two days.. unless God really shows super grace and mercy or there won't be tix even if jie and her family dun mind.. Oh Father.. who am i to turn to.. Father are you the one to accompany me... Let me run.. not from you but from myself.. piglet is tired.. stress.. afraid and lost though i still rejoice in all sufferings...

Father Lord, I pray to you for the blessings, nourishment and protection of the team over at Philippines. I pray for the people there to be touched and accept you as their God. I pray for those who have been a Christian or diverted away from you re surrender themselves to you. That Father Lord, baptized or not they shall recieve the Holy Spirit guidance and peace that indeed they will face sufferings but you are here.. you are by their side all along.. Father Lord I would also like to pray for the muslim orphans that they may finally step out of the shadow self hatred and recieve joy and faith in their lives. Father I also pray for the new friend i know that she may finally change and also recieve your love that she may be saved from her current situation. Father Lord I believe your mercy and grace will grant me these prayers. All these I pray in Jesus name, Amen.




12/07/2006 11:38:00 PM