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.Tuesday, January 16, 2007.

i just got my asics.. wanted to ask pooh to accompany me go hunt for a running shoe but somehow.. these days before i manage to ask anything or before i even manage to say anything like all the stupid things that happen even to my health, darkside and the nightmares that seem worst with each sunset... i seem to get the signal.. "keep quiet i'm not gonna bother about anything.." yes piglet did make many mistakes but which is done with purposely or with an ill intention.. i'm not sinless but at least rather blameless.. take note the word is rather.. for i do admit there were times i still make mistakes with the intention.. of which was drinking.. that i will defend myself..

am i really such a disobedient child? I've been trying so hard.. pooh ask me dun bother so much.. yesterday, today i sent zero messages on reminders.. today cause reach school realise how blurish i was and some funny things in lab lesson so message to share the laughter.. and i guess her thought in mind was wat she replied me weeks ago.. "almost see each other everyday why bother to reply" ha.. to be honest.. i was worried about ending up to meet so many days.. cause i dun want her to think i just want to be too dependent on her.. as for tuition i even had to think whether what will she think that i asked for tuition.. if i told her directly will she have agreed? to be honest i doubt so.. worried she might think i only want to help her out in her financial side.. actually if look at the side about meeting almost everyday.. do we even talk much? nope.. lets see i'm also the POS(prince of solo), also sitting by himself in silence.. so when she said meet almost everyday actually i thought.. did we even talk? sigh.. what a stupid brother i am.. dun even know what my own sis wants or needs.. she tells me not to worry but how can i not worry? tell me not to bother but when i saw wat her mentality towards proper meals and her own health when jogging i'm so afraid.. i dun want my own sister to be eating tons of pills in the morning and night.. people looking at her in a different perspective... meals to be taken precisely to the dot.. diet that many wouldn't even imagine.. checkups, needles and strange procedures to be done periodically.. all this i have been through and still going through.. can't she understand that i was only worried and nothing more.. i only dun want my sister to suffer..

Father Lord I have placed you first.. I admit i use jogging and cycling to wear myself out and "escape" but that's all.. why can't i know what to do.. or pooh appreciate what her little brother has been trying so hard just to bring her a little smile or worry about her health and work..




1/16/2007 05:46:00 PM