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.Monday, April 09, 2007.

I just realise before i was about to blog that revive has 80+ post while cozy treehouse has 50+... it used to be 50+ vs 20+ yet i realise how much negatives has occured till the amount of blogging at this place was so intense.. Yesterday was the revival of Jesus 2000 years ago.. It is the day when the world rejoice over his revival, yet i am to frown on this very day.. My tears went dry.. for hours, no work could be done.. that hurt was not thorns nor blade but a stake pierced through a vampire's heart, with only one objective. For him to be dead.. I now doubt God's way i now doubt his trust.. I now doubt anyone new.. siblingship can be so readily given up.. what else can't be.. the Lord let this orphan be adopted twice and twice he was but abandoned again.. how then can piglet trust anyone new.. the good news is what's left juggling i value more but yet the Lord knows very well that He has made me very angry the second time.. very very.. and an angry piglet spells trouble.. For He knows very well that i placed all my faith I could in Him believing that it will also keep what i value so dearly safe.. yet he has taken away one after another.. Piglet doesn't like to be hurt.. piglet doesn't want to be hurt again.. there is no coincidence that i was trained in drama and scriptwriting.. it is to act.. to hide.. piglet was visited for awhile last night.. and it seems like he was saying "i told you that you are my dark disciple, the Lord you claim loves you dearly so doesn't want you at all.. you are but a pet toy he gave to others that others will abandon in time.. I grant you the darkest strength.. I granted you that to create and master jlq.. return and more will be bestowed".. honestly i was tempted.. but the Lord made me wake up in time so that i could see on TV a reflection of the devil i was.. so that today I will not be a devil.. but God, I ask that same question to you that Jesus asked 2000 years ago when he was crucified.. and i ask one more.. am i but an angel with dark wings you do not love and abandon.. why then do you give me hope and take them one after another.. Lord, I have these last few balls left juggling.. and honestly, what kept me alive from flying a car was my owner whom i remembered when i was about to floor the pedal.. my owner loves this angel and cares for this angel.. I can't let her feel hurt.. what left I cherish O Lord but none i shall accept a new and none I shall lose but my music.. if these last 3 balls have one dropping, Lord I will really hate you.. I will really hate you..




4/09/2007 08:42:00 AM