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.Saturday, June 30, 2007.

In the eyes of a child what is but doubt. There is none. In the eyes of a child it is pure. This kind of purity i give to those i love and care for. Each with their own positions I love and care yet i seem to wonder. I always get doubted for. Like what my councillor said. "I know you won't feel otherwise but you have to be careful of what others might think of you." "To you, you know you only have one girlfriend but to others they might think you have two girlfriends." What I didn't mention was, one is my mummy. That I certainly have to omit from the conversation. It makes me wonder.. does it really matter about how others will think.. to be honest.. I find no.. but what i am concerned about is how my little owner might feel.. Of which, now she feels insecure and unthoughtful of her feelings.. but how could that be.. I go through counselling on a regular basis because of this silly issue.. golden time being lost.. so that i can love her better and right.. while also be able to care for my mummy the right way.. all i did was forget to call her or sms her that mummy was around.. I'm feeling agitated.. What kind of a trust can a wife give to his husband.. Maybe it's my religion that Christ teaches us to love our wife wholeheartedly. Of which includes trusting her completely. And in the bible it also says that the wife should submit to the husband, support him and trust him. Well not literally submit as in submit but rather is to like head of the house kinda thing. And on the other two points, they speak for themselves. And for man it tells us to respect our wife, trust her, love her and protect her. Maybe i say maybe it's cause of difference in religion and so there is no such trust after many things has happened.. Owner mentioned about "if it's a third person yes they'll agree with you but not when she has gone through this much and felt this much."... well i seem to feel and wondered that if back then i didn't choose to "leave" her.. perhaps its still the same situation.. I have taken so many measures.. of which after discussing with my counsellor.. the purpose of calling and informing is out of respect and courtesy.. but in our case.. it makes her feel secured.. i dun quite mind that.. but by not calling does it means i do not respect her or show courtesy etc... apparently not.. I feel her say this time is too biased.. Piglet didn't mind that despite giving such pure forms of love as a child he is still doubted.. but rather.. it is the disappointment upon hearing so.. my tutor even said.. yes it's out of courtesy but since you have been doing so much.. it's rather enough.. if by calling she feels jealous and by not calling she still feels jealous then what's the point.. all it means is.. she feels jealous and imprison you at the same time.. I did explain that its out of repect that i must.. but certainly.. i wish the call is not out of aim to make her feel secured.. for that certainly isn't the way.. I wish she could also understand how i feel.. being so burntout and stuff..till the extent now i'm afraid of calling her at any time and say "flower mummy will be coming over".. why? cause she might be saying.."don't you consider how i feel? I just gotten displeased by the informing issue and now?" sometimes i do understand why the bible says don't be unequally yolked.. it is due to the different teachings.. I wish I could bring her to God.. I wish the Lord could touch her.. I wish she could know just why I can trust her so much and completely so.. She keeps telling me then don't carry this burden. then don't continue.. and if you are to ask me to analyse this from the perspective of a counsellor.. I would say.. perhaps in her past relationships.. that was first what was suggested to her by his boyfriend.. and the reason is that she will be better etc.. and since then she has accepted this idea as correct and when the situation fits the criteria, she suggest that option.. but honestly. that option is not solution.. it's just a surfacial solution that only suggests "running away".. and for piglet.. all these he understands.. all these he complains but he understands and forgives purely.. but someday.. he hopes his owner can really understand him.. someday his owner may know his purity and treat him as such.. My Lord, is all this peace i had earlier to spell worst? I feel disappointed in my wife.. for once.. i really thought so.. doing so much.. having her as priority.. only leads to her mistrust... Piglet feels disappointed in his owner and himself.. I'm sorry for the words if you read this owner.. but piglet.. really feels very hurt.. of all who doubt and misunderstood, it is the very owner that brought up this angel..




6/30/2007 05:15:00 PM