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.Saturday, June 02, 2007.

I need a break.. it's too much for me.. one after another blow and issue.. last year it was dealing with flower.. and later part pooh.. and start of this quater was pooh as well.. then owner.. then grand aunt.. and later flower and owner.. people keep making decisions for me.. have they ever thought why i always listen? it's because of love, care, understanding and respect.. and what about how i feel.. what i really want and need.. can i decide.. can piglet be given time to think and decide for himself... can the people that matters to him so so much stop and listen and not keep deciding.. can all understand how i'm feeling.. how vexed.. how stressed and how overwhelmed.. I'm already not coping in academics and health.. be understanding with me please.. give me a break... dark is already haunting me.. can let me sleep.. let me sleep without nightmares.. please.. at the rate i'm going.. i really want a drift spec car.. i really want to hide all the way.. where i shall not say but i know.. at least no one can find me.. sorry pastor ho.. sorry pooh... sorry david.. but i'm really breaking down.. my commitment towards the church... might have to end.. please forgive me.. i'm drowning from my own love for others.. it's too deep.. too much to consider.. i can't take it anymore.. mr lin.. i'm really afraid.. i really dun want to disappoint you again and again... ms lai.. i know you anticipated this.. but it was exactly as you predicted.. but if it ends this way.. all i can say is sorry.. sorry for believing in me.. but it's beyond my capabilities to fulfill your expectations.. it's beyond my capabilities to fulfill my grandfather's wish..

Lord.. I'm an ugly duckling.. a worthless pig.. one that was created to mock at.. an angel to fail at his task.. look at what happened.. i end up making my owner stressed and sad and hurt.. i end up making a flower that loves me so much worrying and hurt.. i still remember.. last year.. when i thought i could start afresh.. look at what happened.. i felt so comfortable with one of my biz mates that i end up being a child and playing.. and the same day.. rumours went "orh.. you like her is it.." since then.. i dare not even be the child in me.. i have to keep hiding.. look at how people are seeing me now.. not once i didn't place in my complete love, heart
and soul.. and only 2 i had and 2 i was completely faithful.. but yet.. how do others see me "no he's a bad guy.. he's a flirt".. what did i do at all to be seen this way? i'm nice to everyone.. piglet encourages everyone.. but is that wrong? love your neighbour as yourself..what did i do wrong.. i only listen to my God.. care for everyone.. is piglet really that bad... am i really such a bad pig.. Lord.. just strike me down can? I dunno what to do..

I guess few understand me.. and among the few.. few know how to take care of this super baby.. and among this other few.. few are around to care.. or rather.. I see only piglet flying in the sky.. like enjoying the breeze.. so as to tell the world he's happy.. but using the opportunity of the rain to tear where people think he's just in a stunt show flying in the stormy coulds.. but that is what i'm in.. and the tears can only be hidden this way...




6/02/2007 12:53:00 AM