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.Wednesday, August 15, 2007.

Lets look at things.

after deliverance, I have fall to sin, fall to the tricks of the different spirit.. and so likely.. I have gotten SOL, SOV, SOM, SOA, SOSH, SOD, SOH... Whatever.. my lips healed a bit.. to only worsen again.. ha.. 7 times worst.. a legion it may be.. ha..

Then today i realise how bad my situation is.. My studies seems to be.. KNS.. can just drop everything better.. Nobody seems to be able to know what this piglet needs or rather.. nobody can cater properly or sustain..

then last night my mum said.. can i give u allowance a day later.. then today, i was told that the stock market has been performing poorly.. later of which, i was given $50 first.. that was for lasting.. and after... i was said.. shen zhe dian yong..

Later at the clinic my father was saying.. "ke neng shuo bu ding yao mai diao che le, gu piao hen bu hao.."

There after, I was in school.. Ms lai wasn't please with me coming late on the 4th time.. and she asked what about the first 3 times.. I replied. "skin doctor" then she asked" today?" I said "sick". Then she said "what are you sick from". My reply was "Flu". Further she probbed "you don't sound like you are down with flu".. then i said "my whole throat is already swelling very bad if you look at it".. only then did she said" then you should be staying at home.. what if it is an emergency.."
ha.. felt like i'm so doubted.. whatever it may be..

then today.. after getting my mock paper out of nowhere when i met mr lin.. I was asked to finish it in 1hr 15mins.. seriously.. i was in no mood.. didn't study for it at all in the first place.. so i just rushed through the paper.. then i submitted and left school.. so at white sands i went to get what i wanted to get yesterday.. my math TYS, Physics TYS and facial wipes.. then when leaving.. i met my classmates.. so ya.. i asked to borrow today's stuff and TYS math with the specimen paper one..

after at eunos i dropped off and headed for the bus station.. ha.. yes i'm taking bus again though i said i'm in the season to take cab.. anyway.. when i reached home.. i recieved a negative sms.. ha.. after trying to cheer my wife for the whole day and even to remember bringing her biscuits despite being moody and sick just because i could sense things are not too right? I get that kind of a message.. like i planned to meet her.. or that she accompanied me etc..

and when i finished blogging to only have a need to re edit it after i read..

i hurt 2 people's feeling at a go last night; then it makes me ponder, the million dollar question that Jun and i always wondered: What are friends and what is a relationship?
After discussing, we come to the conclusion: Friends are not meant to be depended on; probably interdependent. I never believed in forever friends or happily ever after; I enjoy the company of friends at that moment and at that place, itz a super additional blessing; but if at a particular period of time, no friend comes along, to me, it is only natural. It doesn't mean that i don't treasure friendship; i doesn't mean that having this mentality or not sharing my problem, i do not value my friends. I do; it is because i care so much that i don't want to share, or get too close because it hurts. ha. sounds like i am defending myself; or maybe i am just too defensive. it just simply leave me to wonder is it better to be just simply alone and build up my walls again and hurt no one or... to trust and open up again.

I'm sorry that I hurt you
I took for granted all you gave
so freely to me

Corrinne May. All that I need.

Thanks for being my friends.

whatever it is.. i'm really too tired to think or to talk.. is my wife really my wife? why would she say such a thing that hurts when she knows that i would not lie to her nor am i in a good state be it in exams and financially yet i have been trying to cheer her up the whole day... I have left.. 50+ a little.. for a next season.. ha.. don't even know if i can afford to eat recess though i'm fasting lunch..




8/15/2007 04:58:00 PM